Dear Authors: Not Everyone Needs a Nickname
I have a confession to make.
I have a book-related pet peeve.
It’s not cliffhangers.
It’s not love triangles.
It’s not even the third-act breakup that could have been avoided if two adults had simply exchanged one text message.
No.
My biggest literary annoyance is nicknames.
Specifically, when every single character in a book has one.
At what point do I stop reading and start creating a flowchart?
Who is Bear?
Why is Bear also called Benjamin?
And why did someone just call him Benny?
Wait. Is Benny the same person as Benji?
Did I miss a chapter?
Should I be taking notes?
There was one book where I actually had to flip back several chapters because a character appeared and I had absolutely no idea who they were. Turns out I knew exactly who they were. The author had simply decided that after 200 pages of calling him Michael, we were now calling him Mick.
Sir.
Respectfully.
You can’t just rebrand a character in the middle of the story.
I am already trying to remember plot points, emotional trauma, secret family scandals, and which brother owns the ranch. I should not also need a decoder ring.
I recently read a book where everyone had a nickname.
Not some people.
Everyone.
The main character had a nickname or three.
Her best friend had a nickname.
The love interest had a nickname.
The love interest’s brother had a nickname.
I think the dog had a nickname.
At one point I wasn’t entirely convinced the author knew anyone’s legal name.
And look, I understand nicknames in real life.
My family uses them.
My friends use them.
Some people have nicknames that fit them so perfectly that hearing their actual name feels suspicious.
But books are different.
Readers are already meeting dozens of new people in a matter of chapters. Throwing three names at every character feels like an unnecessary trust exercise.
Now, before anyone comes for me, I have not written a novel with a sprawling cast of characters. Not yet anyway.
But I have ideas.
I have concepts.
I have characters.
I have names that fit their personalities so perfectly that I feel like a proud parent.
What I don’t have is a burning desire to give everyone an additional alias.
My characters are lucky if they get one name.
Meanwhile, some authors are over here introducing “Christopher ‘Topher’ ‘Tops’ McCallister” by page three.
Slow down, Shakespeare.
As the writer and humorist Erma Bombeck once said:
“A nickname is the heaviest stone that the devil can throw at a man.”
Now, I don’t know if she was specifically talking about romance novels with fourteen interchangeable brothers named Jake, Jax, Jace, and J.T., but I feel like she’d understand my pain.
So here’s my humble request to authors everywhere:
One nickname? Fine.
Two nicknames? Questionable.
An entire cast operating under aliases like they’re involved in an elaborate heist? Absolutely not.
Goodreads, Spotify, and Libby already track my reading progress.
They shouldn’t also need a family tree.
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